Okay, so in my last blog I defined what grief is and how it can look like, and so in this blog I want to talk about what are the steps people can take in order to heal. :0
When it comes to addressing grief, I feel most people are unsure of what to say or what are the steps you can take to heal. In my own experience I remember that I just wanted to desperately move on with my life and forget about it. Of course, that ended up backfiring and I dealt with a flurry of unresolved emotions a couple months later.
While I feel that I'm much better at confronting my feelings and letting myself process them, it's still hard for me to talk about what I'm going through with others. Grief is a very touchy subject for everyone, and it can be hard to know how or where to get support or what to say to someone who is grieving. I'm hoping that having information on those topics will help individuals feel more comfortable with addressing grief and help open conversations about it.
The first rule of thumb for people who are grieving and people who are supporting a loved one is that patience is key. Grieving takes time, and it's crucial to not place any judgements or rush yourself into feeling better as that can cause more problems later on. Many professionals advise to take the time to find activities that can help you relax or that help you release your feelings in a healthy manner. Things such as keeping a journal, meditating or listening to music are all healthy coping mechanisms. If you find yourself delving into unhealthy coping mechanisms (i.e. projecting your anger onto others or abusing substances) you should seek a therapist as soon as possible. Group therapy sessions or seeking for a support group is another good option for someone who does not have access to a therapist.
If you are someone who is trying to support a grieving person, there are a few do's and don'ts that you should keep in mind. For starters, do not console someone with cliches such as "they're in a better place" as that minimizes the emotions they are going through and can make your support appear to be superficial. Acknowledge their struggle and provide support with statements such as "I'm here to listen if you want to talk".
Under no circumstances should you ever try to compare a person's experience with your own. It can devalue a person's own pain and in almost all cases mourners are not interested in hearing about another loss. Instead, focus on your friend's grief and their experience. Offer to listen about their feelings and show that you are open to talking about their grief. Giving support through silence is just as helpful; being in their presence without saying anything still shows that you care.
The stages of grieving don't always look the same from person to person. Sometimes it might take someone a few months to be able to get back on their feet or sometimes it might take years. Some people might have feel more anger rather than sadness and for some it might take a while for them to stop being in denial. The best thing anyone can do to help someone who is grieving is to allow them to grieve. Let them feel sad, let them process their anger. It can be tempting to try and cheer someone up and focus on the positives, but that may only put pressure on a grieving person to 'get better'. Within the media and in American society there is already a lot of stigma over people taking time to grieve, and forcing someone to focus on the positives only adds to that.
With all of that typed out I think I have enough information to refer to when it's time for me to start putting my website together! :D I'll keep you guys posted :P
SOURCES:
https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/ways-to-support-someone-who-is-grieving
https://healgrief.org/how-to-help-someone-grieving/
https://time.com/5118994/advice-for-helping-grieving-friend/
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